After a break-up, dealing with the grief is one of the most complicated yet common problems among people in all age groups.
Prolonged and untreated grief is becoming one of the major health issues in the modern society. Lead researcher Richard Bryant, a professor of psychology at the University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia said, "Prolonged grief disorder is a big public health issue." Sometimes, prolonged grief and depression leads to inability to perform daily activities and, in worst cases, it can lead to death directly or indirectly. In extreme cases, this grief turns out be fatal. Recently, there was news about a couple, who were married for 73 years and died within 48 hours of each other.
In Indian culture, with the loss of the joint family system as well as personal interaction with friends and family members, society is losing the strong emotional support system that once did wonders to bring the grieving person back into normal life. Thus, falling out of love and the grieving process have become more complicated.
Although professional counselling and therapy facilities are available, it is unreachable to most as it is either expensive or generic in nature.
Grief resulting from a break-up usually takes more recovery time compared to other emotional or financial loss (loss of home/job/friends...).
Check out some of the following grief-related symptoms:
- You dream or think of the person for more than half the time you are awake.
- You read or see your beloved's letters or pictures or in some form; you mostly remain in the past.
- You lose interest in other things or goals in life; for example, your career and food. At large in your life, everything looks meaningless
You must seek help if these symptoms start getting worse.... feeling numb, unable to trust others, or in the worst case, unable to perform daily activities.
In most cases, you can develop your own fallback process by doing some of the following by yourself.
Initial process:
- Initially, talk to a trusted one about lost person, relationship, and memories. But, later, avoid talking about the person completely.
Blank out:
- Avoid the person in all forms - personal interaction, visiting their accounts over the networking sites about updates, talking to common friends, reading their letters/mails, or checking out pictures.
- Take a regular walk:
This is beneficial not only for your health, but also to cure depression, loneliness, and sadness
Life - Goal and Meaning:
- Start writing what are your goals in your life.
- Write your goals and add a timeline to it (write a book, attend school for a higher degree, or go trekking/camping, or develop a hobby).
These new activities not only keep you away from painful memories of the person, but also help you meet new friends to talk about yourself and your achievements. This is very important to bring back your lost self-esteem if you have faced rejection.
- Review your goal with someone senior, a trusted person, or validate it by carrying out in-depth research.
- One rejection won't make you worth less; in-fact, you should go beyond that "idiot's" imagination and show "who is the loser."
Worth of the person:
- Write down all the people in your life who helped you through thick and thin and compare if "the lost person" did anything close to your expectations.
Count your blessings:
- Meet people who are less fortunate and help them. There is no joy bigger than seeing a smile on another's face because of you. Go and visit plenty of such places and spend time in bringing some smiles on less fortunate ones...that happiness will help you restore your lost "self-worth," if any.
Accept your Life:
- Believe that there is always better waiting for you. This is a belief of "some way God is protecting you" and wanting to give you more or better... Gita says, "Whatever happens, happens for good." It works.
Accept your Destiny:
- Above all, trust you destiny. This simple thought will help you cope with your loss. This teaches you to "accept life as it comes." Scientifically, when you are dealing with grief, the process will start from rejection, anger, negotiation, and acceptance. Hindu philosophy has nicely described this in Gita to live a satisfied life by accepting destiny. Life, without someone, is never incomplete. It is always you who decides how to complete and complement with or without a person.
When you focus on your life and life-goals, your "loss" eventually seems too immaterial to care about. You will find inspiring goals and the thoughts of achieving those goals will give you a "kick" to your brain.
No person in your life is larger than "you." For you and your life, ONLY you will matter eventually.
Please remember that everyone takes different time to heal, depending on the relationship, involvement, and grieving person's emotional status.
Another important suggestions is - don't break-up over silly reasons because -
"No one is perfect and no relationship is flawless."
You will end up wasting time in finding the new "right partner" and establishing the relationship every time...life is too short for this.
Treating equal pain and pleasure, gain and loss, victory and defeat, thus engage yourself in the battle and you will incur no sin.
Or
Battle for the sake of battle.
Loss does not depress, Victory does not exhilarate…
and a new battle begins in the life ...
(Ref:
1. Bhagavad Gita
1. Bhagavad Gita
2. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
3. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm)
#breakup #heartbreak #love #life #sandhyajane
© Copyright 2012-14 Sandhya Jane
#breakup #heartbreak #love #life #sandhyajane
© Copyright 2012-14 Sandhya Jane
